Here I explain why some people with a psychiatric disorder have a character, at least what I imagine they feel. I am thinking in particular of people who are borderline and who stumble and answer you badly and angry, who we have the impression that they are exasperated and that we cannot calm them down by speaking. I draw a parallel with my experience.
I put back what I put in a previous article:
"When I was hospitalized, just to make the diagnosis of my disease and to adapt my treatment when I was doing it quite well, I ended up not supporting the look of the caregivers who, I had the impression judged me on my ideas, my behavior, as if at every moment they made a silly idea about me. I went home after a week and I was very happy because it was more tenable, it bothered me to think that the caregivers, when I was hospitalized thought that I had had impulse phobias or had some silly stereotypes about me, and that I could not fight against these silly and reductive stereotypes that they had on me, at the risk of getting upset and looking like a dangerous madman, making these stereotypes worse."
And especially this point:
I imagine that a similar thing could happen with a rather heavily borderline person, but that it often happens that it ends for them with a burst of anger and not infinite restraint as for me.
Indeed, I believe that the symptoms of schizophrenia and borderline disorder are the same but much weaker for borderline disorder, this is what we heard in medical school, and I think it is right, with one clarification, it seems to me that in schizophrenia the guilt of doing harm, especially by speech is increased, which leads people with schizophrenia to force themselves not to get angry with others, to be afraid of hurting others, while in borderline disorder, guilt, fear of hurting others, are it seems to me (but I say maybe a stupidity, do not throw the au-probe in doubt) a little diminished. It would be in my idea why the male side of borderline disorder is the antisocial disorder since men feel a little less well the feelings so the suffering in others, so that it bothers them less to make suffer, and that suddenly angry, they are less embarrassed to attack others.
Indeed I tried not to be unpleasant so as not to hurt people, I feared that I would be taken for a dangerous madman, it paralyzed me more than pushed me to get angry but also because I was afraid of doing harm.
I think that in borderline people angry at others, at doctors, they make these scenarios, they are afraid that the discussion will end in a rant, they imagine that they will explain that it is fine, without persuading the doctor, and even by insisting and explaining by A + B we will not believe them suddenly they will be afraid that the doctor will make them hospitalized, so the moment they talk with the person they imagine they were going to get confused with, they can't help but be frankly upset, talk dryly, and suddenly, sometimes the discussion, unfortunately turns into a rant!
… for example I was afraid of being locked up, if I had been told that to lock people up, they had to be quite clearly dangerous for either or others, and that being frankly worried and angry was not enough to lock me up, it would have reassured me a little… After it is completely true that if my treatment was too low, then other concerns of the same kind would have come back a little later.
I believe that the functions of mirror neurons are exacerbated in schizophrenia and diminished in borderline disorder, I explain it here "Thoughts on schizophrenia, difficulties in understanding others, compassion and empathy, psychopathy and antisocial disorder.". And that this difference can lead to a rather different behavior with yet full of similar ideas, such as susceptibility or anger: for schizophrenics, the fear of doing harm would push them as I imagine not to blame things on others if they are angry (as I have experienced many times), while for borderline disorder, they could be quite bad if they are angry, but with an ever-present restraint: the fear of passing for someone bad, without really understanding that shouting at others makes them suffer.
I realize tonight by completing this chapter that yes my guilt, my concern for others, my desire and the feeling of a duty to help others is exacerbated. I do not tolerate not worrying about solving the injustices and sufferings that exist here and there, so I am always worried and want to save the world. That is why I am trying to write this document, I tell myself that the information explaining schizophrenia here may have an interest, an importance to help if this document becomes known.