Morbid rationalism: the fact of wanting to justify one’s strange behavior by logic

cloitre d'une abbaye à Majorque, avec l'église en arrière plan
Bizarre ideas are a bit like the beliefs of religions. I have often wondered if certain prophets did not have schizophrenia?
Morbid rationalism. A form of thought characteristic of certain schizophrenic states, made up of logical reasoning pushed to the absurd (cnrtl)

My psychiatrist had noted that I had this symptom in the consultation report, I know it because my previous psychiatrist had read me this report, it must be admitted that this term of "morbid rationalism" had hurt me, because I was afraid of passing for a madman.

This morbid rationalism during this consultation consisted for me of a moment when I justified myself. I wanted to talk to him in a questioning tone to see if my behavior (I don't remember what behavior I had had we were talking about) was normal according to him…

… and to show that I knew that my behavior was not necessarily normal but that I was aware of it and therefore that it was not that bad in the end since I was aware of it (because I feared that I would be judged negatively like crazy to do weird things, without being aware of it). I was trying to understand in which case the behaviors are normal or not, to reassure me a little, because deep down I questioned myself, I strongly felt that my ideas or my questioning were in quotation marks illegal, stupid, abnormal. That I am frowned upon. And that's what, at that moment, pushed me to have this strange answer explaining why I had this reaction before, this answer having passed for a morbid rationalism with my psychiatrist.

When I had these bizarre behaviors, and then gave a foolish explanation for my behavior (which is morbid rationalism if I understood correctly), in fact I had impressions during these situations and it was these impressions that made me act strangely.

I give an example that isn't really one of those weird ideas pushing me to act weird that I had, but it could have been:

Un dessin d'un paysage dont les traits ressemble à un tableau de van gogh mais non fini et qu'en noir et blanc
Van Gogh behaved extremely strangely when he cut off his ear to give it to his lover, was he schizophrenic? If so, he must have suffered terribly without treatment. I imagine he had cut off his ear because he had a strong intuition that doing this could bring him the love of this girl, doing that must have worried him all the same.

I remember that during a small conversation with a girl waiting in line at a supermarket, I asked this girl, where she worked in this small village, she then diverted the conversation not wanting to answer me (I often talk for a few seconds to strangers talking about the time or the shopping we are doing, in the queue or in many situations, I like to chat, people in general answer me and seem to appreciate).

I foolishly imagined that she didn't want me to know her place of work either because she was doing prostitution at home, or because she didn't want to give too personal information allowing her to find her when she had just met me… So far this kind of idea makes sense, although I imagine it is unlikely that she will prostitute herself.

But a weird idea followed by a weird behavior in me could have been this: I could have had the strong intuition that she was indeed a prostitute and that's why she didn't want to tell me where she works (what could happen when I was going badly and I had weird ideas), I would have put this idea in mind, acting according to this principle for the rest of the conversation. So, for example, if the friend I was with during this wait at the tail had told me: "by the way the girls who prostitute themselves on the side of the road in Perpignan behave badly like all the prostitutes in the area that I have seen", I would have been led to think that it could have hurt the girl who queues with us with us who I discussed, because precisely she prostitutes herself (it's hard to explain but in these situations, although I know that it is not sure that she prostitutes herself, I tended to think and therefore act as if my belief about her prostitution was true, in case it is true) so I could have answered outraged a sentence like: "Finally! we must not speak ill of the prostitutes around, it is wrong to say that, prostitutes can be good girls". to reassure the girl in the queue that I would have thought she was a prostitute… So, following an idea that I have, a particular interpretation of what I saw, I will have a sentence a little offbeat of which we will not necessarily understand why I said this in this tone. And I think it's often this kind of idea, intuition that sometimes pushed me to say stuff beside the point, but I had a real reason to say it.

And if I had been pushed to confess why I had reacted in this way, given that this unspoken of the lady's prostitution was to be hidden, I could not have explained why I would have responded in this way to my friend.

I would have done that too because I felt it was silly to think that.

Also, I would have given another reason than the real reason for my reaction, because I would have considered the reason as obvious (here it was obvious to me that she was certainly a prostitute, so somewhere it was useless to say it), and also because at these times the mind is invaded by ideas and it is difficult to see clearly.

And this may sometimes be due to morbid rationalism: to give a different reason than the real reason for our bizarre behavior because we cannot give the real cause for all these reasons.

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