It's very possible that my family must have worried about me, I don't really know, it bothers me a little to think about it, maybe because my psychiatric illness remains for me in the realm of the intimate.
… if his family had to support the sick person. For me, to feel like I was in charge of my family would have been a shame, a suffering and a great guilt, I would have experienced it very badly, I would have atrociously blamed myself for being really a burden.
I had trouble working, it's always a little bit the case, and I can be self-employed but a job with a fixed schedule seems impossible to me, because I sleep a lot, I have trouble concentrating, I need to distract myself often, the fact of doing something that I may find completely useless will despair me to the highest point, outside I felt this for most of the trades.
That may be a little apart from most schizo, but not having time to try to realize some of my projects if I had to work would make me suffer to a crazy point.
Even without a being a burden for my family, I felt guilty for being a burden for society, so I blamed myself for not liking to work because I would have to work so as not to be a burden for all, yet at the same time I felt that most of the trades were useless or sometimes harmful, I was torn because of this between the obligation to work to do well and not to do the jobs that I consider harmful.