I wanted to leave a very important trace on earth! Make projects that would mark the time!
The sight of people living their normal lives working a lot, hard, dying without a trace on earth created a scare in my mind.
I had this impression for a long time, it is following the continuous intake of a lot of vitamins, omega 3 that have an effect (light but real) in schizophrenia and the transition to solian rather than abilify (two antipsychotics) that this impression that despaired me has decreased a lot (I do not know what caused this improvement among all these changes).
So I was terribly afraid of death, of the idea that it is nothingness. As the brain and the electrical conductions of neurons stop after death, and since it is these electrical conductions that make the reasoning and the feelings and impressions that we experience, inevitably there was nothingness afterwards. It was a fear that improved after the treatment I received began. And then I said to myself something that both reassures and bothers me: we have a soul, but this is not explained by physical phenomena calculated mathematically (at least for me the physical world with mathematical consequences can not create emotions, that's what I feel), but the seat of our soul is the brain that is in the physical world and so maybe there is something really after death.