Autism, not understanding jokes

Paysage et village pris en photo près d'aix en provence à partir d'une hauteur
In autism, we are a little isolated, outside the village, always wondering if we are doing well, if the others will not take us for a guy who is not gifted next to his pumps. That's how I felt when my autism-related symptoms disappeared.
When others made jokes, I didn't understand and I didn't know where to put myself, I was ashamed that I didn't understand, and if a person took me to task to laugh, I was afraid that he would realize that I had understood nothing, that it is the serious people internally who do not understand this kind of obvious joke, it hurt me. And rather than relax to understand how funny it is, I was stunned by this fear.

People with schizophrenia often have symptoms that bring them closer to autism, and indeed I find myself in the description of asperger's autism on wikipedia: Autism Asperger

I felt like people were violently mocking each other and that it was the norm to be accepted by society, yet I felt that it wasn't the case either, and that it was more my brain that was bothering to think that, but I felt it frankly in periods.

I could get this feeling that I was being mocked badly and that if I try to explain why when people joke about me, it's not justified, then I'll pass for a quilt. Which is surely a little true because often if I was sent spades it was to joke, to tease but not to be mean, being a little autistic, I did not understand well, I felt that what I felt was wrong.

I also had a little peculiar behaviors such as blocking myself on objects, manipulating them long, obsessively, to reassure me, or in exploration video games, I used to look at the details, the small objects that I found very well done, and I wasted a hell of time on it compared to the normal player.

My voice was monotonous, without intonation, although I really felt like I was putting intonations, if I listened to a recording of my voice, no there was no intonation! 🙁

As described on the comics of the wikipedia page: Autism AspergerI did a lot of big blunders when talking to others.

It started a lot following the introduction of bactrim, I think that bactrim really helped because following bactrim I went from 7.5mg of abilify to 5mg, while many things improved, and it had been years that I was at 7.5mg of abilify. I don't know if it would work for others but it's an important track to try.

(Bactrim is an antibiotic that can be taken long-term, which fights against a brain parasite: toxoplasmosis present in me and in 70% of people with schizophrenia, while only 50% of people without schizophrenia have it. This parasite is suspected of playing a role in schizophrenia)

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