I was also afraid of looking weird in conversations and that it would be very serious that I would look weird. For example, if I feel that if I said hello or goodbye to a person at the wrong time, that person would think I was crazy, someone weird and dangerous. So my thinking was focused on it rather than on a warm relationship and finally my behavior was really weird.
What made me fear that people would see what I thought and what made me look weird was the same thing: the fear of being serious, very serious, sick, weird, in the eyes of others, whether by my thought, or by my attitude that betrayed my thought. This fear, stronger than my will not to think about it, took over at these moments.
A little similarly, with this extremely fear of the gaze and this paranoia, I told myself at times when I began to be treated, when I still had a lot of phobia of impulses, that if I held a knife upside down in the street people would think that I am dangerous, they would call the police, I would have a hard time explaining to them that I am not dangerous, they would not believe me etc. These two aspects of my reasoning: being afraid of the gaze of others, while not wanting to be afraid of it and fears of persecution scenarios took over.
I often had the impression, the fear that people would perceive what I think just by observing my behavior, that my behavior would betray me.
I felt like it was obvious that people understood that I had this kind of problem in mind, when in fact, no.