Sometimes it can also happen the idea/intuition that taking a treatment will lead to the wrong, in the wrong voice, that one would have to continue to suffer to save the world. In any case this impression came to me with beliefs a little complicated to explain.
I had the intuition that humanity lived in a simulated virtual world, like the Matrix movie, again I realized that this intuition was crazy. I felt that being in this virtual world was maybe what created excruciating suffering in me, discomfort and constant worry.
It would have been necessary, as in the film, to get people out of the Matrix, from this simulation to relieve them and allow them to access the truth.
I felt like I was betraying people who were struggling in the womb if I stopped suffering while taking the treatment, I was torn between the idea that if I took the treatment I would stop suffering but I would condemn humanity, or I would not take treatment and by a crazy supernatural thing, maybe it would save humanity. It was similar to the choice between the blue and red pill in the movie, if he takes the red he comes out of the Matrix and can fight with difficulty, but he can, or he takes the blue, stays in the matrix and lives serenely without worries in the manner of the traitor who prefers to eat the virtual meat steak in the matrix, enjoy life forget everything rather than go out and eat a dough served to the resistants.
I imagined myself to be one of their most important members, or the most important, the chosen one, I imagined that people in my entourage had certain roles in the matrix, and I felt guilty if I betrayed them.
Although I always have a questioning, a feeling of betrayal on my part when I think about it, in reality I did not hesitate to take the treatment, I still told myself that it was too crazy what I thought, that it would lead to disturbing actions at worst, that at best I will end up a tramp suffering psychically intensely, unless the matrix actually exists of course, in which case I will suffer intensely and then a miracle of the matrix would save me. Question to the con that I ask myself anyway, telling myself that I may have betrayed these people, that the disasters in loop that humanity will continue, that we will not get out of this circle!
The intuition that the matrix really existed was very strong in me, even though ever aware that it was a parasitic idea, and sometimes, rarely I still think about it.
My whole life is based on it because from a very young age, around 5 years old perhaps, this intuition has invaded me, and everything I experienced in my childhood is tinged with this idea, as if I forgot it, I forgot everything.
I had the idea that if my optic nerve and other nerves were hacked, then I could be made to believe that I was living in a fake world, the pixels of my vision being hacked like the pixels of a television screen, and I felt that this must be the case.
I think I had this idea, because of course I was paranoid with the impression that people (here the leaders of the matrix) wanted to make me suffer for no real reason, and also because I was intelligent, indeed when you are intelligent you question everything you learn, to really understand things, here I was questioning reality, maybe that's what pushed me to imagine the matrix while many other schizophrenics do not have this delirium it seems to me.
Perhaps some do not want to treat themselves for worries with ideas of the same kind, that if they take the treatment, they will not be able to save humanity in one way or another. I do not know if this is a problem that exists or not in other cases of schizophrenia.
I knew someone who had paranoid symptoms close to schizophrenia and who was not very nice, he did not seem to understand that his paranoid ideas did not hold water. I wonder if the fact of not being very nice or even a little nasty would not be related to the fact that he does not realize that his paranoia is foolish, indeed in the absence of a good effective network of mirror neurons in the brain, he can not understand that most of the people he meets generally have nice intentions. So he could not realize that there was a discrepancy between his intuitions that others wanted him harm and the observation of others in everyday life, who did not hurt him be nice, that would be why he was not aware that his paranoia did not hold the road, and therefore that he did not want to heal himself?
Maybe it was another reason that pushed him not to treat himself, for example I know that he was afraid of drugs, that it was for him the oil industry that created the drugs to make us sick to sell more drugs.
It's true that he spread his paranoia without complex as if he had no hindsight on it, he was also someone very stubborn, maybe that's also why he did not want to treat himself.